Aug 14, 2011

Father of three feels hopeless

I came from a divorced family full of alcoholics and could never please my parents. Moreover, I did not graduate from high school as well. In light of all circumstances, I did secure a career of 17 years (but recently resigned due to an organizational merger) and was ultimately able to secure an AS, BS, & MPA degrees… However, I am currently unemployed and my divorce of 13 years is almost final. I have struggled for years with addiction….and most recently it has been Very challenging. I am a loving father of 3, I attend church weekly, but I’m all tattooed up Which I believe has created a significant obstacle for me in securing any potential, yet decent employment opportunities. Any advice would be greatly appreciated…..I feel so hopeless…please respond….. God bless.


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8 Comments on “Father of three feels hopeless”

  1. sue says:

    Your definitely in my prayers AJ. Addiction is a horrible disease, but one that you can beat if YOU want too. It’s a shame how people view others because of piercings or hair color or tattoos… and I wish you luck in finding the job that you want and deserve.
    Keep being there for your children. They can help you through this too. The time you spend with them should be your high.

    God Bless my brother!!

  2. Rhonda says:

    It’s good to let lose and open up to express one’s self. It’s understandable how you feel after what you’ve been through but prayer does help. I agree with Becky most. Stay focused on the positive things in your life and put the negative to the side. If the negative gets in the way and you can’t seem to get past it then maybe you should talk out your negative feelings to a professional who can help you stay focused on the positive things in your life so you can get pass things…
    As for having a job. There’s places out there who doesn’t judge others. I know you have degrees but maybe seeking work below your career level would be something to look into so you can build yourself up stronger to get where you need to be or want to be rather in the career field. I work in retail and I have co-workers with tattoos and my work has hired those people knowing the tattoos are showing. I feel like it’s so common having tattoos and they’ve been around for years that some jobs overlook how one looks now a days…
    And as far as you and your children. You seem like a great father. Your children will love you for being there for them. They are lucky to have you as a father…

  3. susan day says:

    First of all let me say it is a pleasure to see that there are fathers who love there children so much. I say enjoy the time off, with your children. Look for work, and spend time with your kids. Make them your priorty and do fun things with them. They will need the extra time now. Give it to them while you can and take being unemployed as a blessing for now. Use it to euducate yourself farther if you wish. Change your carier if you want to. Give a little to the comunity, of yourself, dont let this stop you in your tracks. Let God use you to help others while your waiting for his answer. You will feel better. And when your in that pit of darkness, take a flashlight and shine it at yourself and realise there is light at the end of the darkness. I have done it and it works real good. susan day

  4. Nancy Borrell says:

    2 Corinthians 4:8 is powerful scripture. God wants the best for you and uses these times in our lives to refine us. Unfortunately, most of us don’t learn or mature or develop when things are going along well and easy. It’s only when we really need the Lord that our faith is truly tested. He will never fail you, never let you down and always provide a way for you. Think back to the times in your life that God saw you through and rest easy knowing He will do it again and again, as long as you are doing the right thing and you love Him. I have seen it work over and over again in my own life and my family.
    As far as the tatoos holding you back, I can understand that because many people unfortunately judge a book by its cover. I believe honestly is always the best policy and I would bring it up to a potential boss and explain that this does not dictate who you are, and has absolutely nothing to do with who you are as a person and does not affect your job performance.
    Trust God to guide you, pray without ceasing and love your children more than yourself and you can’t go wrong. Expect the best and get the best! I would highly recommend any of the Norman Vincent Peale books on the Power of Positive Thinking and reading the Bible daily for guidance. Good luck and God bless you richly in all ways!
    Please check back and let us know the amazing ways that God will answer your prayers.

  5. janet goree says:

    First as a mom of five and grandma of nine bless you for knowing how important it is for your children to have their father. My youngest child Bobby was not able to overcome his addiction and is spending the rest of his life in prison because of it. His children will grow up without their dad and one of them is no longer allowed to see me because of the situation. I know how difficult addiction is and believe firmly in genetic predisposition. I lost my sister to alcoholism at age 37. Guess Im not really cheering you up at this point?
    OK heres the good news. I have tats too(yes I am a 54 yr old grandma with pink hair and tatoos) and I work with legislators and teach nurses and law enforcement because I force them to look past their preconceived notions of me. Believe in yourself and try to focus on the present. I also get the unemployed thing because at this moment I am too as my funding was cut due to the economy. I have found when I stop trying so hard to fix it and just put out there to the univers “everything is OK, we will have money to pay the bills and food to eat” that something always happens to make it better. If you need a friend or an ear, please email me at I have alot of life under my belt and would love to support you through these hard times if I can. Know that down the road the only thing that will matter are those children . I have buried a grandchild who was murdered at the hands of her father………nothing could ever be more important then your children. Focus on them and their love for you and trust that it will be ok. Hugs,Janet

  6. Becky says:

    Hi A.J.,

    You sound like you have already overcome many obstacles in your life!! You MUST give yourself credit for the things you HAVE accomplished, such as having your wonderful children, staying with a job, and achieving your degrees. Those are all terrific things!!! When I feel down, this is what I try to do….think of the positives in my life, instead of the negatives, EVEN when it is easier for the mind to wander to the negatives. It will help you greatly! Once you let go of what’s harbouring you, and feel the positive, good things will start to come to you. Take deep breaths, and you’ll come through this.
    Keep us posted please! Thinking of you!

  7. Cindi says:


    Hang in there…you can’t control what you can’t control….focus on what you can control. I am sure the tattoos have created obstacles, but that is something you can not control at this point…you could wear long sleeves to cover up some of the tats, but that won’t probably solve all of the issues.

    What did you get your degree in? Have you thought of pursuing a career in the artistic side of employment, perhaps a web designer, or something along those lines. People in the artistic world are less likely to judge you because of your tattoos.

    You can control what kind of father you are to your children, children don’t judge based on how much material things you can give them, they only want love and the more you give, the closer they are to you. Explain the circumstances as they are, kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit. When my husband lost his job when the kids were young, we had to make severe cut backs, but we explained it to them, and they got it.

    You can control whether you decide to give into the temptation to use again, you have worked so long and hard to get where you are…would it really be worth throwing all that away just to give into that urge.

    Hang tough, pray, and pat yourself on the back for how far you have come


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