Earlier this year, I noticed a plant sprouting in my garden right between two roses. I was about to pull it out but thought it looked like a tomato so I left it. I was so busy chasing that mangy, rat-faced, no-good, low-life, beady-eyed, scum-sucking, fruit-stealing squirrel off my peach tree, I didn’t notice that it was growing. The next time I looked, I had a tomato plant. It was about two feet high with little flowers so I left it there. Today, it’s out of control! I don’t know what happened but all of a sudden, it’s HUGE, and loaded with cherry tomatoes. And heavy. I’m constantly tying it up because it keeps growing. Yesterday, I propped it up with some fencing I had and it’s still falling over. I didn’t plant it. I didn’t feed it. I didn’t want it. There are rose bushes under there… dying. Denis thinks that when that mangy, rat-faced, no-good, low-life, beady-eyed, scum-sucking, fruit-stealing squirrel ate my potted cherry tomatoes last year, he was hiding out between the roses and left a seed in the ground. OMG, maybe he pooped it into the ground! Either way, he’s a pig. The tomatoes are starting to ripen but they’re inside the plant and I can’t get there. It’s 14 feet long and 8 feet deep! I’m not sticking my hand in there. Don’t snakes eat tomatoes? Something was moving in there yesterday and it had a tail.

Here’s a picture of my dad who inspired me with his great cooking. He was definitely the number one cook in the family. In this photo, I had just surprised him with his own personalized apron and he loved it! He died at 73 and never got to see me make it in television or as a cookbook author. I know he would have been proud of me.

I was stunned to receive a phone call today that the man who decided to give me a chance and put me on TV with my own talk show, Jim Paratore, died today. We worked closely together for the entire twelve-year run of the Jenny Jones Show. And we just had lunch a few months ago to catch up. Jim was with Warner Bros. for almost 20 years. Some of the many shows he was involved with include Extra, Judge Mathis, The People’s Court, The Rosie O’Donnell Show, The Tyra Banks Show, and TMZ. Jim was well known and very well respected in the television industry. I was told he was on a biking vacation in France with his wife and had a heart attack. He was only 58 years old. This is such a shock and so sad, especially for his wife and daughter.

R.I.P., my friend.

“Aren’t you gonna take your camera?” Denis said  as we headed out for a Sunday afternoon walk by the lake. “I guess so, but the last few times there wasn’t much to see. But okay, I’ll take it just in case.” Just in case…. we see a mother duck with NINE newborn babies in the water!

I’m so glad I took my camera. This picture only shows five babies because the other four kept wanting to play on land. They were the cutest little things and once, when another duck got too close, mom chased him away like a mad woman!

Then minutes later, along came a momma goose with her four little ones. Their dad was there too but this was the clearest photo of the babies. There were a lot of us taking pictures – some guys showed up with tripods, fancy cameras and humungous lenses – made mine look like an old Instamatic.

I’m going back next week to see if all the babies are still there. Thanks goodness we don’t have alligators here, only hawks, coyotes, and bobcats, so…

No worries.

This is no way to live! Isn’t it everybody’s dream to live in Southern California? I just realized that I live here in constant fear. These are real things that I think about every day. Let’s review:

1) Earthquakes: Every time I drive and have to stop at a light under a freeway overpass, I get nervous. “What if today’s the day for the big one? What if the overpass comes down on my car? Should I get down on the floor of the car? What if they find me and I’m not wearing my good underwear?”

2) High speed police chases: We just had another high speed chase last night – it seems to be a weekly occurence. Whenever  I drive through a large intersection on a green light, I’m nervous. “What if there’s a high speed chase and he’s going so fast I won’t even see him coming? What if there’s a shootout and he uses my car as a shield? What if he T-bones me at 90 mph? Maybe I shouldn’t drive.”

3) Rattlesnakes: There are signs everywhere… at the nursery, on the walking trails, in the canyons – It’s rattlesnake season! My gardener just reminded me to be careful, it’s rattlesnake season. “What if I’m in my back yard and I step on one? What if I’m gardening and I pick one up by accident? What if I scare one and it bites me and I don’t make it to the hospital in time? What if I die on the way, or I’m in the ambulance and a high speed chase hits us, or we have to stop under a freeway overpass and there’s an earthquake?!”

4) Spiders: Spider season is also coming and for some reason, my house gets some HUGE spiders, mostly at night. “What if a spider crawls on my face when I’m sleeping? What if that red mark on my leg is a spider bite? What if it’s a black widow or a brown recluse? What if I die in my sleep from a spider bite? What if I wake up and it’s on my eye?”

This is no way to live!

UPDATE @ MIDNIGHT:

Here is the picture of Sue’s Easter Cookies using my Christmas cookie recipe. Sue says, “They were sooooo good and everyone devoured them!” The bunnies look great.

I must admit I was pretty excited when someone told me I was part of a Trivial Pursuit question.

Then I heard I was part of a question on Jeopardy and also Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.

So I decided to do my own “Who Really Knows Me?” quiz.

For anyone who thinks they know me, see if you can answer these questions:

1) Can you name five jobs I’ve had besides talk show host?

2) What’s my favorite thing to do?

3) What make & model car do I drive?

4) How long have I been with my partner, Denis?

5) Which of these critters has NOT appeared in my backyard: deer, coyote, pheasant, opossum, rattlesnake, skunk, squirrel, bobcat, rabbit, hawk?

I went out to check my apple tree today and guess who was sitting right underneath it? I don’t care if it’s cute – it’s a menace! …with really adorable ears… No. No. I won’t get caught up in its Easter basket cuteness. He’s just there to ruin my garden!

Seriously, take away those ears and it’s a rodent. … with really soft fuzzy fur… No! I must remember to hate this rabbit. I wonder what he’s thinking? (“Jenny’s a little late with the tomatoes this year. And she thinks it was the squirrel!”)

Look what I got for Valentine’s Day!

He loves me.

I know he does because…

1) He takes out the trash.

2) I went to the mall once without my wallet and he drove there and rendezvous’d with me in the parking lot, handed me my wallet, and drove home.

3) He’s not afraid of big spiders.

That’s all I need… and the chocolates.

My man, Denis, has been the love of my life for over 25 years but if the house caught on fire and I had to run back in to save just one thing, Denis would have to find his own way out. I would save my iPad! I love love my iPad! I take it everywhere I go – I even take it to bed to read or play games. I’ve been looking for a carrying case since I won’t ever leave it in the car but nothing came with a shoulder strap. So I decided to make one.

I went to Jo-Ann Fabrics last night and bought some reversible quilted material (cost: $4.66) and spent about 45 minutes to put it together. The wide strap is comfortable and now I can take my iPad everywhere I go and never have to leave it in the car. I left Denis in the car once but I was mad at him. Served him right. 😉

We drove back home yesterday after getting my stepmom moved. She’s now in a gated retirement community with good security so we have peace of mind. There wasn’t much time for fun or any shows but we can do that next time. We did have a great dinner buffet at the “M” which is a new hotel/casino as well as a really bad meal at the Mandalay Bay coffee shop –  don’t go there. The only gambling I did was the five minutes it took for me to lose at roulette and blackjack.

It’s so good to sleep in my own bed. Why are hotel beds so uncomfortable? Who knows what kind of abuse they take… Maybe there was a large man convention there last week and the Incredible Hulk and Andre the Giant were having pillow fights on that bed. Who can sleep anyway when you’re up all night looking for bed bugs? I have to stop watching those shows about horrible things in hotel rooms. This time I brought some disinfectant wipes and cleaned the doorknobs, phone, remote control (the worst!), and I found a hair in my bathtub! It was not mine. Next time I’d like to bring one of those UV lights and a pair of goggles to look for blood stains on the wall! I should just stay home!