Bobbie writes…
Dear Jenny,
I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m dating this guy for almost 2 years now. His ex-wife uses their sons (19 & 21) to talk to him. The boys are grown and his 21-year-old lives with us. I have 2 daughters (18 and 22). If I want to know something I call them and NOT my ex! She won’t! She has to call my man! He told me right before Valentines Day that she wanted him back and she was just using her boyfriend until she can get back on her feet again. When we moved in together she had a fit! She was soooo mad! I later found out from a friend of theirs that he told her they would be back together in 2 years. She has been in our home. And we started getting her junk mail! She has NEVER lived here so why are we getting mail with her name on it? She said she gets mail for him too! She keeps calling and sending him text messages which he clears from his messages except for her name. His phone rang the other day and it was a text from her saying that and he sends her emails of porn. WTF!!! He hides her messages and calls her when I’m not around! We were in Florida for Christmas and she called him to read The Night Before Christmas to him! Knowing we were together! Where was her boyfriend? Why couldn’t she read it to him! He talks to her more then he does me.

My gut is telling me to watch out! I feel like I’m more a maid then a girlfriend! We only fight when her name comes up! I HATE her!!!!! I want to kick her fat ass soooooo bad! She even posted nude photos of herself online! She’s about 300 pounds and 6 feet! Come on! He says I’m the best thing to happen to him but if so, why does he send her porn? Or emails! I love him but I don’t know if I’m just over reacting. I know she’s trying to come between us! Should I let her? I sold EVERYTHING to move here and be with him! I left all my friends and
family for this shit?!? When I called her she said this wasn’t my home but her sons! WTF!!! Hell no! I work and their son doesn’t! This is mine and my boyfriends home!!! No one else’s!
Am I in the wrong here?

My response…
Dear Bobbie,
Are you wrong here? Yes! You are mad at the wrong person. Your boyfriend is totally disrespecting you by maintaining a relationship with his ex. HE is the one hiding her messages, saying he’ll be back with her, sending her emails (and porn!), letting her come to your home, get mail there, accepting her calls and messages. How many signs do you need? She’s only there because he wants it that way. He says you’re the best thing to happen to him and it’s true. You work, you clean his house, and you are letting him have a relationship with his ex. What guy wouldn’t want that? Why are you letting him use you like that? If you gave up a lot for him, then he needs to give up his ex for you. Otherwise, find a man who doesn’t want to play games.
Jenny