“N” writes…
Jenny,
I need some advice. In the last 3 months I have had alot of bad things happen. I have gotten divorced after ten years of marriage because he hated my children who have reached the teenage years and have been a little difficult. He has no children of his own so it was much easier to hate. I choose my children, of course, and said good-bye to my marriage and my home. We moved to an apartment and I had to move everything myself because he said he would have my son arrested if he showed up on the property.

After that my son went into rehab (that has turned out to be a great thing), my 15 year old daughter had a breakdown and was hospitalized. This affected her first semester of her sophomore year and will need to repeat these classes. During her hospitalization I found out that she had been sexually abused by her stepbrother at her father’s house. We have had meetings with DCFS and the Child Advocacy Association. I know that she is glad this
is out in the open, but emotionally this has been hard for me even though I know that while she was at her Dad’s home I could not have done anything.

So we have been struggling financially through this. Doctor’s visits, medicines, therapy, trying to set-up a household. And then the check that I thought would bring us to even this Friday was stolen in a robbery at my new apartment.

Why does this have to happen to us? I was adopted and grew up in an influential home, my father was a successful investment broker. I do not do drugs or drink alcohol. I love my children. I have a modest job. I had breast cancer 3 years ago and went through that with the strength of 1,000 men, but this is much worse than that. I want 2008 to be a better year. Is there something I am not doing right in my life for these things to continue to happen to us? I feel like I am being punished. Thanks for listening Jenny

My response…
Dear “N”…
There’s no question you’ve had a lot to deal with and if you put everything else aside, having three teenage children is about all anyone should have to deal with. I also married a man with (4) teenage children and of course the marriage failed. I didn’t come first but I was never going to. So it’s no surprise your husband is gone. If your son is in rehab, chances are things were more than “a little difficult” but he’s in the right place and can turn things around with help and support. It’s sad to know that your daughter was abused but good that it’s finally out in the open. You say you’ve had meetings but I hope you pressed charges against those responsible.

I wish I had something brilliant to tell you, but I can say that you are already on a better path. You’re a proven survivor. You’ve survived breast cancer. You still have a roof over your head (a lot of people don’t), your son is getting help, your daughter is getting help, and overcoming these adversities will likely make them both stronger. And they won’t be teenagers forever. I was a troubled teen myself. I ran away from home twice and was arrested for shoplifting, but I made a comeback and so can they. It’s not your fault. These are difficult times for most people – difficult financially, and a really tough time to be raising teenagers. You’re not being punished, you’re being challenged. And so far, you are meeting things head on. Continue being your strong self and things will get better.
Jenny