Stupid, Stupid!
One regret I have about no longer hosting my talk show is that I am not able to interview certain people in the news. There are a few dumb people I’d like to talk to just once, if their stupidity didn’t leave me speechless, and I’d call this episode “The reason everyone stammers – is you’re dumb as a box of hammers.”
Here’s my guest list:
1) The woman who called 9-1-1 to report that someone stole her snowman. Just one question: Why didn’t you bring it inside for safekeeping?
2) The two men trying to smuggle the corpse of a 91-year-old relative onto an airplane. They claimed the body in the wheelchair wearing sunglasses was just sleeping. Once arrested, they said she was alive when they checked in…nice try. If they make a movie about these guys, they should call it Mistakes on a Plane.
3) The man who showed up in court for his DUI hearing 1 ½ hours late…and drunk. He stumbled into the courthouse carrying an open can of beer with four more in a bag. He tried to trash the beer. Yeah, if he hid the beer, I’m pretty sure nobody would have noticed he was drunk.
4) The bank robber, whose DNA matched the gold teeth he left at the scene of the crime. It seems he robbed the bank and as he was fleeing, he stuffed the gun in his waistband and accidently fired into his pants. The bullet missed but then he was hit by a van, managed to stumble into a getaway car, leaving his gun and two gold teeth behind. He was arrested a few days later. If I were going to rob a bank, I would do a practice run first (with the gun), and remove anything from my body loose enough to fall off.
5) The Arizona bride who was arrested at her wedding reception. I guess the bride was gettin’ down & dirty on the dance floor with some uninvited guests and this didn’t sit well with the groom. So he started a fight that turned into a rumble. When the police arrived, they found the bride (easy to spot in her flouncy white dress & cowboy boots) fighting with a pregnant woman. Not exactly a traditional wedding, you say? Not if you look deep enough: Something old (probably the boots, maybe the bride), something new (a criminal record), something borrowed (bail money), something blue (parts of her face!).
JJ,
regarding number 2, I think the movie should be called ” Weekend at Bernies has already been done!!!” 🙂 it wasn’t that funny the first time either!!!
number 1 sounds like she needed a blow up doll!! LOL!! 🙂
number 3 sounds like he’s a Charlie Sheen fan!!
I’m sorry but number 5 just cracks me the heck up!!! 🙂 and no, nothing you would see in my family or my circle of friends, I guess I just watch too much Jeff Foxworthy!!! 🙂 🙂 “You know your a redneck if you start a massive brawl on your wedding day!!!”
Heading out to NYC tomorrow for my cousins 60th! Have a great weekend all!!
Sue
YES!!! This show would be incredible. You’re too funny!
No way you are too classy for that stuff….
We are talking Jerry Springer material.
I met Jerry Springer a couple of times when I was in the audience and he is really a nice guy. Hard to believe he does such crap on TV but I am sure he laughs all the way to the bank!!
I do love your sense of humor though!!
K
Ah lol Number 5 was my favourite. Too bloody funny.
JENNY, I MISS YOU ALSO. TO BE HONEST WITH YOU I DON’T REMEMBER THE LAST SHOW.CHICAGO HAVE ALWAYS LOVED YOU, OPRAH IS LEAVING AND YOU ARE NOT ON TV,NO ONE CAN TAKE YOUR PLACE! PLEASE COME BACK.
LOL. I really do miss your show. You should come down and make people laugh in Las Vegas sometime.
LOL! I just read about a guy who stole a diamond ring and gave it to his girlfriend, who posted a picture of it on facebook. I guess she didn’t know it was stolen but the owner saw it and the fiance got busted! From bling-bling to Sing-Sing! 🙂
haha Maybe if you got them all in the same room for an interview they could combine their brain power. LOL
The latest one I’ve heard is someone went to rob a bank and used his pay check stub to write the hold up note on the back of the stub and what about the run away bride?…
Oh and Jenny, I know you miss your show and the interviews.
I miss your show too, but it had a good run and things must go on and I’m glad you’ve found something you’ve enjoyed doing here on your website 🙂