Jul 18, 2011
Angela needs advice
I have never in my life asked anyone for advise but I am going to now. Four years ago I met and fell in love with a wonderful man 18 years older than me. Before that I was a single mom raising my son on my own. Jim has come into our lives and has taken an active role in teaching my son how to be a man and take care of things. We are getting married in less than a month and my parents have “concerns”. I am a 39 year old successful woman and I don’t understand their concerns or their lack of excitement for us. I know I can not change the way they feel but how do I bring this up to them. It is very hurtful that they are not excited for the day or Jim and I. What do I do let it go or say something?
(does anyone have advice for Angela?)
Thank you all for the advise. I would love to try and talk to them but I know a grown up conversation will not occur. Rhonda yes I would love their approval but I do trust my own judgement/decsions as I know how strong I am. I have decided that I can not change my parents feelings and in time they will see what a wonderful man I married. Thank you all for the advise and well wishes.
Angela
You’re welcome, Angela. Glad you got the advice you needed. You seem like a strong woman who knows what’s best 🙂
Congratulations on finding someone you can spend the rest of your life with. I agree with others, it may not be age specifically that your parents are taking issue with.
You said you’ve been with him for four years now, or had atleast met him four years ago. Is their apprehension new since your engagement or has it always been simmering under the surface?
At any rate, you’ve been with him awhile and you obviously are a successful woman who knows her own mind and whats right for her. You should goto your parents and ask them about their concerns, but I think you deserve to be happy, and if he makes you and our son happy, then more power to you. They will learn to respect your decision in the end.
Remember, even though your an adult, your parents will always see you as their little girl. It’s probably just nerves in seeing their girl slip that much further away.
Oh and congratulations again 🙂
My parents have an 18 year age difference also they had many happy years together now my father health is not good and my mother is like his keeper and that my be why your parents have issues. with the age difference. They should be happy that you have found someone that truly love you and treats you like a queen and wants to spend his years with you and your son. What a lucky women you are. Enjoy your wedding day and remember take care of each other .
This to me is much different than an 18 year old dating someone 18 years older. You are a 39 year old woman and your maturity level exceeds that. You found love with Jim and he has also stepped up to being a father to your son. That’s wonderful! 🙂 “Besides, who counts their birthdays after 35 anymore??” 🙂
I hope your parents come around, but even if they don’t, I hope you, Jim and your son live a wonderful life together and have a great wedding day!! 🙂
Sue
Congratulations, Angela, about your wedding plans and the fact that you are going to live your own life! Parents never think that anyone is good enough for their children! It is your life for you to make any decision you want! Personally, I would just put everything out in the open and talk to your parents quietly and calmly saying that you know they want your happiness most of all! In time they will see how great he is ! <3
Angela,
I’m glad you were comfortable to ask for advice, (it’s not always easy, I know). I think everyone gave you great guidance and, I’m glad KSU was able to share a very similar experience. Which ever decisions you make, I hope they come from your heart. 🙂 I hope everything works out and, you and Jim have a great wedding. Take care 🙂
~Tiffie
Angela, you seem nervous about “how do I bring this up to them?” Of course you should talk to your parents. It seems only natural if someone is bothered by something to ask them why. You might be surprised to learn it’s not the age difference at all but something else. My 2-cents is talk to your parents, grown-up to grown-up, and ask them what their concerns are. Maybe it’s something you should be concerned about too. I hope you’re not mad that I spoke my mind.
It almost seems you need approval and that happens sometimes because we don’t trust our own judgement. I say let it go and let things be what they are. It shows your parents care about you if they have concerns and if they do care about you they will let you be happy. Don’t make things harder for yourself because of what your parents think. I think age plays a part of your parents’ concerns but as long as you are happy and Jim is good for you and your children is all that should matter…
Hi Angela!!
What are your parents’ concerns? Have you tried talking to them before about this?
Congrats to you!
Becky (married 31 years and going strong!) 🙂
My husband is 14 years older than me and I suspect my parents had the same concerns as they were less than thrilled about our wedding. However, we’ve been happily together for the past 8 years and their concerns have slowly melted away throughout the years.
You can’t force your parents into being happy but I think all you can do is give it time. They will eventually realize that their concerns are unfounded and will come around when they are ready,
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and all the best. 🙂