Our Sue needs advice
I know I’m a regular but I am dealing with a situation that makes me sick! One of my best friends cheated on her husband and had a baby boy with this man. Ofcourse she got divorced because her husband could not deal with it. But this little boy is now 4 years old and she is no longer with the man she cheated with. He texts her and says horrible things to her and is abusive! Recently, her little boy has been displaying signs of being child molested. 🙁 My friend hired an attorney and the little boy won’t tell the court what is happening to him because his daddy told him, “You will never see me again” She cries all the time. Little K comes home and M doesn’t know what to do. She hired an attorney and she is trying to help little K tell the truth. He has told her about being in the shower with him and what happens. OMG this is a sick man and this is an innocent little boy who had nothing to do with his daddy’s abuse. I love this little boy, he deserves to live a peaceful, normal and healthy life. What do you do when the little victim is too afraid to tell the truth? My heart feels soooo heavy and I just want to puke! God Bless You little K, my heart cries for him and his mom who can’t protect him until K tells the truth. BTW, this jackass’s uncle was just recently arrested for child pornography. Now we know how he got sick but how can they repeat the same crime against somebody so innocent who had nothing to do with it?????? Oh, my heart cries for this boy and his mom who is doing everything she can to get him away from this sickkkooooo!!!! Please any attorneys or my JJ friends help! 🙁
Sue
Sue,
I want you to know I will pray for you and for all involved. First, be very certain that the abuse you are alleging is real. It is a terrible crime to be accused of something so damning by today’s standard and be innocent. Assuming you’re allegations are correct, it is important to see this child receive help, indeed. It is also important to try to stop the abuse. If M is onboard with that, let her know she needs to document everything suspicious. She needs to get a notebook and write down anything suspicious. If she can catch his behavior with a hidden camera (legal in many states, but check first), that would go miles in preventing further abuse. The father will likely be arrested if caught on video, and hopefully will receive some psychological help and Christian counseling which might just reach his soul and also prevent further abuse should he be released. Little K would be free of further abuse, and would have time and a healthier environment in which to recover, with love and nurturing from his mom, and, of course, from you. It’s nice to see that you care, and that you’re willing to step forward when so many others would simply look the other way.
Good luck,
Michael
I SAY THIS, GOD KNOWS AND SEE ALL, AND TRUST ME GOD WILL EXPOSE THIS PERSON! HE THINKS THAT HE HAVE GOTTEN A WAY IT, WELL, HE HASN’T. THE BIBLE SAYS DO NOT REJOICE WHEN YOU’RE ENEMY FALLS. THE LORD WILL DEAL WITH HIM.LET GOD TAKE OF THIS. PAYDAY IS COMNG!
I just wanted to reply to all of you. I agree with the child therapy 150 %.
I promise to keep you posted and please keep him in your thoughts and prayers! Thank you so much for your genuine concern!! 🙂
Sue
This is just so horrible!
Sue I’m so sorry you’re friend and her son have been going through this! I understand you wanting to help you are a good friend.
I know others have brought this up, but I would suggest your friend take her child to therapy. I know that there are a lot of good child therapists out there that are trained to speak to children in a way that they would understand. If money is an issue, because therapy can be expensive, most places are on a sliding scale where you pay what you can afford, and in a lot of cases it could be free if she or the child is on medicaid.
You’ve mentioned though that she has an attorney so if this is going to go to court and she is alleging child molestation then there will most liking be an investigation with dcf/child welfare etc and that could also help with the child, especially if things are going on at this man’s house.
I would just say though that when she is talking to her child not to suggest things that may have happened to the child, because even though she is trying to get to the bottom of this and has the very best of intentions it could come across as coaching. Not that she ever would, I’m not saying that at all, It’s just something that they could look at and misconstrue.
That’s why I think therapy might be the best idea, and of course for her as well.
I would also say that she should do everything she can to keep this child away from this awful person.
I have to agree with what the others are saying. He needs a therapist to work with him so he can trust the right person to open up to. Aww, he’s probably so scared and don’t know what to think of it all. It makes me sad 🙁
As for the mother, she may need counseling on how to deal with things too. It not only affects the child but it also affects the whole family connected to the child. She should do all she can to press charges on the father and have him pay for what he has done to this child. She can’t do it alone but keep contacting whoever to help you protect this child from any more abuse. She needs to break all contact with the father to keep him far away as possible from her son. Her son may then try and trust her and speak out but as long as he’s around the boy isn’t gonna say a word to her. The boy seeing him probably terrifies him and causes him to clam up and stay silent, plus it could cause more emotional issues with the child if he’s still around the child, poor little guy 🙁
As for the father, he’s a coward for even telling the boy things to save his own behind. He is one sicko and needs to be behind bars for the damage done to his son…
Hi Sue’s friend,
What I would like to know is: how is this horrible man still able to keep in touch with you? by no longer being with him, did you mean you married to him at one point (however short the marriage might be, just an example) and divorced as well, or did you two just broke off any relations?
What I see here, as a possible solution, is to completely cut off all relations with that man, regardless of circumstances (and that means, no cell phones contact, no texting…nothing, no excuses). Ask advices directly to/from close friends, peers, and general help from city resources -as best as you can-, to facilitate moving on from all this negative influence. I know, I make it sound simple, but it’s a really daunting thing to do, but sometimes, you just have to start over fresh, literally. Turn in a new leaf. Maybe even move somewhere new (after saying goodbyes and farewell, and all that neccessary thanks to show your gratitude, consideration and love, all these years to those you have come to know and care about all these years…and keep in touch with them if you need to, but in a way that doesn’t harm your new life). Again, easier than done, but do your best =)
With that said, from here on out, show and give all the love you can to your son, as much as you can. It’s a lot of things all at once and otherwise (new job[s] maybe, if you moved), but having gone through all that, I’m pretty sure you’re heck of a strong woman. You and your son deserve a life full of life, for lack of a better sentence. That man should be completely out of the picture, by now. And you know…life works in mysterious ways sometimes. Do your thing. Grow together with your son, over the years. Learn things together, connect with people and make bonds with the ones that truly want to help you and be a positive part of our lives.
At some point, your son will be a unique, individualistic, and intelligent grown man, and with good care and understanding, through personal admittance with regards to certain issues (if need be), work with him, progressively (together, and with the help of professionals, either or both)…all, step by step. Hopefully, by that time, you’d both have the courage to confront the person (if need be, if you feel you want some form of real closure in that aspect of your past…cause as they say, sometimes, you have to confront the past, in order to make for a better present, leading to a more fulfilled, -and less fragmented- future). Be it legal, or in person (but with cautionary actions being taken care of in advance, just in case of unexpected assault). Through communication, both parties might have to come to terms to what’s been missing all these years and there might be moments of guilt and suffering from his side. Who knows, just like the way life works sometimes, he might have gone through enough harsh realities himself, that over the years, he’s come to be truly sorry for what he’s put you both through in the past. There will be anger, resentment, closeted hate resurfacing…all manners of emotions. Now here’s the important part: even after his apologies (if any), unless there is very high evidence and reliability of changes he’s done to himself for the better, just make closure of that meeting, be content that things have been laid out on the table and worked on, and close this chapter of your life, and truly move on and look towards a happy future with your new lives that you’ve worked hard at. The man doesn’t need to be in your life. If things work out in a way that somehow your life could be still fulfilled with him around, after everything’s been set and worked on, then give it a try but that will be up to your understanding of things by then..and in this case, it has to be resolute, not emotional).
However, if your new life has provided you and your son with changes for the better and you’ve both gone away from those earlier circumstances, and are strong enough that you could care less about the guy, nor want to do anything to do with him, nor even need to revisit that past, then more power to you. Regardless of how you do it, you and your son both deserve victories of your own, on many levels. I wish you happiness and love =)
P.S. Now, I realize that I’ve never gone into legal aspects of things, and I know -once again, easier said than done- what I’m suggesting above is just what I’ve observed over the years and what I believe can help you progress as life and love-giving individuals. I’m in no mean a professional, but I hope I have helped in some way, if at all. Also, my apologies if I’ve written this in a way that I’m talking directly to Sue’s friend, but I thought it’d be better put that way. Best regards to all, and, Sue, I hope this helped somehow.
-MdM
P.P.S. I don’t really expect any answers to my first paragraphs’s questions. I just want to put it out there so that you can maybe make certain things clear, for future readers of this help/advice column. (maybe, if I get the chance, I’ll get to come back and reply or comment on new postings..unless others gave better help/advices, which is all good to me…then, I’ll just do my thing, live, and keep on observing how people live, as I’ve always done all these years, and see where things go from there…I’m a student of life as well, you see…so many things to learn). Take care.
What I would like to know is: how is this horrible man still able to keep in touch with you? by no longer being with him, did you mean you married to him at one point (however short the marriage might be, just an example) and divorced as well, or did you two just broke off any relations?
I just wanted to clear up your first paragraph’s questions anyway. She cheated on her husband with this man. Never married him, just had a stupid affair. They share custody of him and this is why they have to stay in touch.
Thanks for your concern and your insight.
Sue
OMG Sue!!! This makes me so sick!!! I wish there was something i could do to help!! Little K definitely needs therapyto be able to tell what’s been going on, AND to help him with what’s he’s going through/been through!
I pray for you all!
If this little will was molested it will haunt him…so you need to really get therapist to work with him and make sure you tell him it’s not his fault…just keep loving him…I hope this child a normal life with circle of love…and let the attorneys help to keep this precious child from any harm…Will pray for this concern… this child is a living tresure, and should be valued…
This makes me sick I would kill the bastard!