I was driving down Ventura Boulevard today when I saw a bicycle coming up in my side view mirror.  It was going pretty fast and I was a little jealous because he was making better time than I was.  When I stopped at a red light, he pulled up next to my window and I thought “This guy is NOT trying to make a move on me!  Could he be a fan who recognized me and wants an autograph?  Maybe he’s lost and needs directions.”  Then I saw the badge. He motioned for me to roll down my window. “I’m officer Boyles with the LAPD.  Can I see your drivers license please?”  WHAT?? I didn’t do anything!  Did I cut him off?  Did I not make a full stop?  Was I stopped over the pedestrian line? Maybe my plates were expired. “Is there any reason you’re not wearing your seatbelt?” he said. “Damn you!” I said. “I was just going to Whole Foods. I don’t see you strapped onto your bike!”  Okay, I didn’t say it out loud, but I thought it. – What I said out loud was: “My only reason is stupidity, officer.  I know I deserve a ticket.”  Officer Boyles was kind enough to let me off with a warning but I have learned my lesson.  Whether you wear a seatbelt for safety or to avoid a ticket, you’ve gotta do it.  What he didn’t see was I had just gotten off the cellphone (also illegal in CA).  If he had seen that, I’d be blogging from the big house.

My stepmom’s husband’s daughter, Alex, came to town yesterday and had never been to Beverly Hills.  She had always heard about Spago and it was her dream to go there some day.  So we went.  We had lunch in the patio and it was everything a place like Spago should be.  Valet parking, gracious service, and fantastic food. She had the lobster club and I had Wolfgang’s famous schnitzel.  We shared a dessert that looked like an art display on a plate – something with a sheet of chocolate, cherries, pistachios, and sorbet.  It was too beautiful to eat but that didn’t stop us. After lunch, we went down Rodeo Drive for the full Beverly Hills experience.  There was even an armored truck in front of Van Cleef & Arpels. Oh, and back at the house we had a 5.4 magnitude earthquake so she had the full SoCal experience.

I once thought that my Alligator Lizard confrontation was the most harrowing thing to happen but no so, my friends.  My housekeeper came to work this morning with her camera-phone.  “Guess what was in my front yard yesterday?” she said. “An iguana.” Of course I assumed she meant a lizard that LOOKED like an iguana, after all my lizard looked like a rattlesnake to me. Then she produced evidence (I couldn’t take the photo off her phone) but this was definitely an iguana – a big one.  The neighbor told her he saw one in her palm tree the day before but then he drinks a lot, so she wasn’t sure.  Then yesterday she was gardening and “HELLO!”  There it was.  She said she almost fell over. “Corri y grite,” she said. She ran and screamed. Anyway, her cousin came over and took it away. Her iguana trumps my lizard for sure.  What’s next?  A bear?  Oh right, there are bears going into local trash cans.  Coyotes?  Been there.  Bobcat? Done that. Mountain lion? Just down the street. Yes, Beverly Hills is paradise.

I celebrated Independence Day by making my fall-of-the-bone  baby back ribs.  There’s enough for leftovers tomorrow!  I also made potato salad, cole slaw, fresh corn, homemade bread,  and we had fudge bars for dessert.  I found some by “Skinny Cow” and they were low fat and really good. The meaning of the day was not lost, though.  I remembered today, as I do every day, how lucky we are to live in this country and we should never take our freedoms for granted. I am grateful for many things, every day.

It wasn’t a rattlesnake, it’s an Alligator Lizard. Thanks to Rhonda who did some research, I now know what’s lurking in my back yard.  This one is almost exactly the same.  At least the next time I see one, I won’t be needing a ride to the hospital.  Here’s what it said about them…

Alligator Lizards –  Large smooth scales, and a long alligator-like snout. Found almost anywhere except in the deserts, mosty during daylight. Frequently found underneath debris. Commonly found in suburban yards, especially in Southern California.

This was freaky.  This morning I walked around to the bottom of the big hill behind my house, you know the one with the deer, coyotes, bobcats, rattlesnakes, etc…? I was checking one of the plants, looked down and saw this thing…OMG! A rattle snake! Right between my feet!  So I slowly backed away, he flicked his tongue a couple of times, and I decided that was as close to death as I ever wanted to be.  But escaping with my life apparently was not enough.  I had to put on some high boots, get my camera,  and go back to get a picture to see if it really was a rattlesnake.  Now I don’t know what it is.  I think it has feet!  It was about 18 inches long.  A lizard?  A mutant snake? Why am I even living here?