An Ohio church is offering a drive-thru Ash Wednesday blessing for parishioners who might be pressed for time. What’s next… confessions on twitter?

A woman in Philadelphia dubbed the “Black Madam” was arrested recently at a so-called “pumping party” where she was about to perform illegal butt injections. All those stupid enough to participate didn’t realize you can obtain the same result by eating doughnuts.

The Six Billion Dollar Man (CSI creator Anthony Zuiker) is in divorce court hell. His soon-to-be ex-wife may be getting $443,528 a month.  All that CSI equipment can’t seem to find evidence of a prenup.

A man in a wheelchair was arrested after robbing a convenience store in Florida. He took a 12-pack of beer and made his getaway but got stuck in the sand behind the store. Police found him there, in his wheelchair, drinking a Bud Light. I’m guessing this was the second 12-pack of the day.

Snooki is pregnant! This pregnancy is going to require a lot of money… unless they sell bulk paternity tests at Costco.

Maybe it’s the romantic ocean breezes here in California because I see things. Nasty things. There are things going on out here, in broad daylight, and they don’t even try to hide when I sneak up and yell, “Get a room!”I think this one needs a caption…

Look what I got for Valentine’s Day!

He loves me.

I know he does because…

1) He takes out the trash.

2) I went to the mall once without my wallet and he drove there and rendezvous’d with me in the parking lot, handed me my wallet, and drove home.

3) He’s not afraid of big spiders.

That’s all I need… and the chocolates.

Her voice was a rare gift.

Rest in peace, Whitney.

Raise your hand if you would like homemade chocolate cupcakes for Valentine’s Day. Now raise your other hand if you’d like them to be sinfully delicious but so healthy, you’re allowed to eat two. These are hands-down (get it? hands up – hands down!) the easiest and best chocolate cupcakes you can make. If you love someone, keep them healthy with this yummy homemade treat. I’ll be making a dozen for Denis… but I’ll tell him I only made six. 😉

Click here for the recipe.

Click here for the video.

February is Black History Month – a good time to recognize just some of the things we take for granted every day that were invented by black people:

Air conditioning

Blood bank

Carbon-filament light bulb

Cell phone

Clothes dryer

Doorknob

Elevator

Fire escape ladder

Fire extinguisher

First open heart surgery

Fitted sheet

Folding chair

Fountain pen

Gas mask

Golf tee

Guitar

Hairbrush

Horseshoe

Internal combustion engine

Ironing board

Key chain

Lawn mower

Lock

Mailbox

Peanut butter

Pencil sharpener

Potato chips

Printing press

Railroad switch

Refrigerator

Rotary engine

Scaffolding

Spark plug

Spring seat for cars

Stethoscope

Street sweeper

Traffic light

Typewriter

Do you spend Superbowl Sunday on the couch eating unhealthy snacks, watching guys in better shape than you play football? Is your fridge the only place you’ll ever see a 6-pack? Then you need to make my nachos this Sunday. These are not like any nachos you’ve ever had.

Look at the picture!  Mine are healthy and nutritious, crunchy and delicious. I won’t lie – they take a little work, but you won’t feel like an over-stuffed football by the second half… you won’t need a time out to take a nap… your waist band won’t snap from too many chicken wings… the sofa springs won’t be audible every time you sit down… you won’t need double coverage to hide your stomach… your stomach won’t hurt from having one turnover too many… your friends won’t be scrambling to get your heart started again… your trip to the bathroom won’t be third-and-long… I think I will cut back on these really bad jokes… but make sure you roll out my nachos… they are the bomb.

Click here for the recipe.

Click here for the video.

“I wish it would stop raining in PA; it looks like I’m 4 wheeling with it! 🙂  I love this car!!”

My man, Denis, has been the love of my life for over 25 years but if the house caught on fire and I had to run back in to save just one thing, Denis would have to find his own way out. I would save my iPad! I love love my iPad! I take it everywhere I go – I even take it to bed to read or play games. I’ve been looking for a carrying case since I won’t ever leave it in the car but nothing came with a shoulder strap. So I decided to make one.

I went to Jo-Ann Fabrics last night and bought some reversible quilted material (cost: $4.66) and spent about 45 minutes to put it together. The wide strap is comfortable and now I can take my iPad everywhere I go and never have to leave it in the car. I left Denis in the car once but I was mad at him. Served him right. 😉

We drove back home yesterday after getting my stepmom moved. She’s now in a gated retirement community with good security so we have peace of mind. There wasn’t much time for fun or any shows but we can do that next time. We did have a great dinner buffet at the “M” which is a new hotel/casino as well as a really bad meal at the Mandalay Bay coffee shop –  don’t go there. The only gambling I did was the five minutes it took for me to lose at roulette and blackjack.

It’s so good to sleep in my own bed. Why are hotel beds so uncomfortable? Who knows what kind of abuse they take… Maybe there was a large man convention there last week and the Incredible Hulk and Andre the Giant were having pillow fights on that bed. Who can sleep anyway when you’re up all night looking for bed bugs? I have to stop watching those shows about horrible things in hotel rooms. This time I brought some disinfectant wipes and cleaned the doorknobs, phone, remote control (the worst!), and I found a hair in my bathtub! It was not mine. Next time I’d like to bring one of those UV lights and a pair of goggles to look for blood stains on the wall! I should just stay home!