What has scary eyes, waits to come out at night, and whose only goal is to cause destruction? A zombie. And that’s what lives in my back yard. Look at those zombie eyes. Now take a closer look at the picture. See that little yellow thing right in front of him? That’s what’s left of one of the apples on my tree! It’s only April! My apples are still so tiny, even the mangy rat-faced, no-good, low-life, beady-eyed, scum-sucking, apple-stealing squirrel won’t touch them. But they seem to make a nice evening snack for the zombie rabbit.

I ran out and chased him away three times but he came right back. Then I sprayed the tiny apples with an organic but horrible tasting concoction and he still came back. This was war, but I wasn’t going to let him win. I went upstairs to the closet and got my plastic hawk.

Put it right under the tree.

Haven’t seen hide nor hare….

“Aren’t you gonna take your camera?” Denis said  as we headed out for a Sunday afternoon walk by the lake. “I guess so, but the last few times there wasn’t much to see. But okay, I’ll take it just in case.” Just in case…. we see a mother duck with NINE newborn babies in the water!

I’m so glad I took my camera. This picture only shows five babies because the other four kept wanting to play on land. They were the cutest little things and once, when another duck got too close, mom chased him away like a mad woman!

Then minutes later, along came a momma goose with her four little ones. Their dad was there too but this was the clearest photo of the babies. There were a lot of us taking pictures – some guys showed up with tripods, fancy cameras and humungous lenses – made mine look like an old Instamatic.

I’m going back next week to see if all the babies are still there. Thanks goodness we don’t have alligators here, only hawks, coyotes, and bobcats, so…

No worries.

This is no way to live! Isn’t it everybody’s dream to live in Southern California? I just realized that I live here in constant fear. These are real things that I think about every day. Let’s review:

1) Earthquakes: Every time I drive and have to stop at a light under a freeway overpass, I get nervous. “What if today’s the day for the big one? What if the overpass comes down on my car? Should I get down on the floor of the car? What if they find me and I’m not wearing my good underwear?”

2) High speed police chases: We just had another high speed chase last night – it seems to be a weekly occurence. Whenever  I drive through a large intersection on a green light, I’m nervous. “What if there’s a high speed chase and he’s going so fast I won’t even see him coming? What if there’s a shootout and he uses my car as a shield? What if he T-bones me at 90 mph? Maybe I shouldn’t drive.”

3) Rattlesnakes: There are signs everywhere… at the nursery, on the walking trails, in the canyons – It’s rattlesnake season! My gardener just reminded me to be careful, it’s rattlesnake season. “What if I’m in my back yard and I step on one? What if I’m gardening and I pick one up by accident? What if I scare one and it bites me and I don’t make it to the hospital in time? What if I die on the way, or I’m in the ambulance and a high speed chase hits us, or we have to stop under a freeway overpass and there’s an earthquake?!”

4) Spiders: Spider season is also coming and for some reason, my house gets some HUGE spiders, mostly at night. “What if a spider crawls on my face when I’m sleeping? What if that red mark on my leg is a spider bite? What if it’s a black widow or a brown recluse? What if I die in my sleep from a spider bite? What if I wake up and it’s on my eye?”

This is no way to live!

UPDATE @ MIDNIGHT:

Here is the picture of Sue’s Easter Cookies using my Christmas cookie recipe. Sue says, “They were sooooo good and everyone devoured them!” The bunnies look great.

One of my favorite Polish traditions is the decorating of beautiful Easter eggs (pisanki). Some are real eggs and some, like this photo, are made of wood. I remember coloring eggs when I was a kid but they never looked like this. We just boiled eggs with onion skins and they turned red. I think we were poor and I didn’t know it.

I want to hide some eggs again this year but Denis won’t look for them. Maybe if I hide one under the remote control…

So who knows me best? I guess it’s Larry.

1) All of the jobs are right

2) Cooking for sure

3) Denis and I are together 27 years

4) I drive a 2003 Lexus LS430 (with very low mileage)

5) Opposum was right. But Larry, how did you know about the Dodge Dakota?

I must admit I was pretty excited when someone told me I was part of a Trivial Pursuit question.

Then I heard I was part of a question on Jeopardy and also Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.

So I decided to do my own “Who Really Knows Me?” quiz.

For anyone who thinks they know me, see if you can answer these questions:

1) Can you name five jobs I’ve had besides talk show host?

2) What’s my favorite thing to do?

3) What make & model car do I drive?

4) How long have I been with my partner, Denis?

5) Which of these critters has NOT appeared in my backyard: deer, coyote, pheasant, opossum, rattlesnake, skunk, squirrel, bobcat, rabbit, hawk?

I went out to check my apple tree today and guess who was sitting right underneath it? I don’t care if it’s cute – it’s a menace! …with really adorable ears… No. No. I won’t get caught up in its Easter basket cuteness. He’s just there to ruin my garden!

Seriously, take away those ears and it’s a rodent. … with really soft fuzzy fur… No! I must remember to hate this rabbit. I wonder what he’s thinking? (“Jenny’s a little late with the tomatoes this year. And she thinks it was the squirrel!”)

Remember Miss Cleo? She was the wildly popular Jamaican psychic and shaman whose infomercial ran on TV from 1997 – 2002. Miss Cleo was the spokesperson for the Psychic Readers Network, which was a pay-per-call psychic reading service charging $4.99 per minute for a “free reading.” In three years, it’s estimated her service took in one billion dollars through 900 numbers but once the Federal Trade Commission stepped in, the company was charged with deceptive advertising, billing, and collection practices. PRN had to cancel $500 million in customer charges and pay a 5 million dollar fine.

It turned out that Miss Cleo’s real name was Youree Harris and she had never been to Jamaica. So the name was fake and so was the accent. But she was good! Before things went awry, Miss Cleo was a guest on my show and did some readings for the audience. Click here to see.

Only one person guessed all four real pears so the other two prizes will go to the first people who got three out of four. I know this was not easy, in fact when I was handling the pears, I had to tap them to make sure I remembered which ones were real.  The real pears were 1 – 3 – 4 – 8.

So here’s who won…

The only person to guess all four real pears was Jason! Good eye or lucky guess!!

The first two people to guess three out of four were Josh and Dan! (both guessed 1–4-7-8)

Congratulations, guys and I hope you enjoy your show memorabilia. My thanks to everyone for playing. This was lots of fun.  We’ll do it again.

UPDATE: We just heard from Jason and he sent us his picture…

Jason is from  Austin, Texas. He directs creative & product development for a home fragrance line (Seda France).

“I was a big fan of Jenny’s show, and I really love the recipes and cooking videos she posts now – I’m always learning new things from Jenny! Thanks again!”

And winner, Josh, has been a long-time visitor to my website so it’s great that he won today, too.

Tue., March 13th CONTEST UPDATE…. We’re halfway through the contest and here’s where things stand: Of 37 entries, only one person has guessed all four real pears and seven people have guessed three correct pears out of  four. Of those seven, four of the entries are exactly the same. So as of this update, you are all welcome to make a second guess.

I just uncovered some Jenny Jones Show promotional items and thought someone might like to have them. If you’d like the items in the photo, there’s only one way to get them: it’s a contest! To receive the Jenny Jones fleece zip-up, baseball cap, mug, teddy bear & keychain (I have three sets to give away), all you have to do is guess which pears in the photo below are real and which ones are ceramic. Here’s a clue: four are real and six are ceramic. Pick the four real ones and you win. One guess per person; contest ends Thursday. Which four pears are real? Enter your guesses in the comments below.

Good luck!

Hi Jenny. Here are two photos of my cat, Scampie. Marina, from Vancouver, Canada