Jeff Conaway has died.  He was terrific as one of the stars of Taxi, a TV series that ran from 1978-1981, and we loved him in the musical Grease. He seemed like a genuinely nice guy when he appeared on my talk show in the early 90s.  I extend my condolences to his family and I’m sharing this video in his memory.
Click here.

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s  cheating doesn’t really come as a surprise, but WHO he did it with, WHERE he did it, and WHEN he did it (babies delivered FIVE days apart!) puts him in a whole new category. His story is best described using his own movie titles:

PREDATOR – What he is.

RAW DEAL – What Maria got.

TRUE LIES – How he lived his life.

TWINS – His two sons are almost twins.

CONAN the DESTROYER – What he did to his wife.

COLLATERAL DAMAGE – What this did to his family.

TOTAL RECALL – Will he recall another love-child?

END OF DAYS – Where his career is headed.

TERMINATOR 2: JUDGEMENT DAY – What his future holds.

A mother injected her 8-year-old daughter with Botox, then lost custody of her child. But wait, now she claims it was all a hoax. What’s worse? Injecting your child’s face with toxins or teaching her to lie for money? Botox paralyzes muscles, so let’s inject some into her lips so they will stop flapping.

International Monetary Fund chief, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, went from Penthouse to Rikers Island for a reported sexual assault at  New York hotel. Rich & powerful men don’t like prison. They can’t relate to the riff-raff in there. Hey, maybe he and O.J. can be pen pals!

Everyone’s talking about the big rupture that’s supposed to happen today but they never said what kind. Is it a volcano rupture? Or maybe an underground gas line rupture – that would be big. Wait. Maybe it’s a famous person’s spleen. Oh well, I guess I’ll find out tomor…..what? Oooh…. RAPture!… My bad.

Donald Trump is not running for president after all. He chose a reality show over the presidency. Why not do both? With Trump in the White House, we could call it: The Biggest Ego: Cameras show the oval office being enlarged to accomodate Trump’s head.

My caramel corn is so good… Everybody will want some.

You’ll be hiding it in your closet!

It’s easy to make.

It’s super crispy & just sweet enough.

Nothing compares!

Make it. Do it. Eat it…Just not all at once!

Click here to watch the video.

REWARD $10,000 FOR CAPTURE

Listen to me you little punk. If I catch you even glancing at my apple tree, you’re dead.  Like a flat skunk on the side of the road: dead. Like Osama Bin Laden: dead. Like Arnold Schwarzeneggar’s marriage: dead. Do you feel me?

See this picture?

There are seven apples on this branch. The day I see six, I will hunt you down like a menopausal maniac. You’d better watch your back.

I just found a video from my stand up days where I closed the show with a parody of Gloria Gaynor’s monster hit, “I Will Survive.”

It was 1985 and I think this was at the Riviera Hotel in Las Vegas.

Let’s not talk about why I was wearing a Wilma Flintstone dress… hey, it was the 80s!

My version of the song is all about how I handled an obscene call. Click the picture to watch this Vintage Video.

I was stunned to see Scotty and both Haley and Lauren in the final three and not James. He wanted it more than any of them and clearly had a hard time accepting defeat. Watching this show is too sad when losing is so painful.  I remember being on Star Search and how with every performance my heart pounded so hard I was afraid the microphone would pick it up. Everything was at stake. And when I won, my career soared. But the comic I defeated seemed to disappear. Watching this episode brought back a lot of memories of striving for acceptance, dealing with rejection, and the roller coaster of emotion that being a struggling performer brings. I thought once I succeeded, things would change and I’d no longer have to face rejection and even worse, I’d never feel like I didn’t matter. Some day, I will talk about the many times I was rejected at the peak of my television career and by whom. Maybe that’s why I won’t go back…

Wild birds must love my back yard because we had another visitor this morning.

It’s a California quail and it was sitting up high for a while and as I got closer with my camera, it flew away.

This was the best photo I could get.

I never know what to expect when I walk out to the back yard.

It wasn’t long ago that a beautiful ring-necked pheasant hung around for almost two weeks. He was so regal looking, I had named him “Baron Von Jonesenheimer III.”

He was not afraid of people and everyone who came by was stunned to see him just walking around. We fed him for a few days in hopes he would stay but he finally flew away.

I had my “supposed to be annual but wasn’t” eye exam yesterday. I went to Lenscrafters and there were only two of us customers there but it still took almost two hours. But the good news is my eyes are healthy, but my reading glasses need a new prescription. No wonder I can’t read a dinner menu in a candle-lit restaurant!

Have you ever spent money on a skincare product that doesn’t live up to its promise, and you wish you could let other people know?

Well, you can do it here.

Or… if you found a product you love and want to spread the word, you can do that, too.

Simply give the exact name of the product, your skin type and your review.

Maybe we can all learn from each other…

Happy Mother’s Day to all you moms and to my stepmom, Roula.

I didn’t send her flowers because the last time she was here, I had made some of my caramel corn.  She tried a bite and loved it but said she was too full and would have some later when we watched TV. But while we were watching TV, she fell asleep.  So Denis and I started snacking on it and before we knew it, it was all gone. (I’m telling you, you can’t stop eating it!). The next day, she was going back to Vegas and asked if she could take the caramel corn with her. I had to confess and she couldn’t believe we ate that much caramel corn, but we did. We laughed about it and I promised I would make it for her another time. So I made a batch of my delicious caramel corn with almonds and walnuts (her favorite) and fedexed it to her overnight so it was fresh for Mother’s Day. By the time I called yesterday morning to see if it arrived, she already ate about half! I’d say she liked her Mother’s Day present, but now I need to make more… for me.