Bobbie writes…
Dear Jenny,
I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m dating this guy for almost 2 years now. His ex-wife uses their sons (19 & 21) to talk to him. The boys are grown and his 21-year-old lives with us. I have 2 daughters (18 and 22). If I want to know something I call them and NOT my ex! She won’t! She has to call my man! He told me right before Valentines Day that she wanted him back and she was just using her boyfriend until she can get back on her feet again. When we moved in together she had a fit! She was soooo mad! I later found out from a friend of theirs that he told her they would be back together in 2 years. She has been in our home. And we started getting her junk mail! She has NEVER lived here so why are we getting mail with her name on it? She said she gets mail for him too! She keeps calling and sending him text messages which he clears from his messages except for her name. His phone rang the other day and it was a text from her saying that and he sends her emails of porn. WTF!!! He hides her messages and calls her when I’m not around! We were in Florida for Christmas and she called him to read The Night Before Christmas to him! Knowing we were together! Where was her boyfriend? Why couldn’t she read it to him! He talks to her more then he does me.

My gut is telling me to watch out! I feel like I’m more a maid then a girlfriend! We only fight when her name comes up! I HATE her!!!!! I want to kick her fat ass soooooo bad! She even posted nude photos of herself online! She’s about 300 pounds and 6 feet! Come on! He says I’m the best thing to happen to him but if so, why does he send her porn? Or emails! I love him but I don’t know if I’m just over reacting. I know she’s trying to come between us! Should I let her? I sold EVERYTHING to move here and be with him! I left all my friends and
family for this shit?!? When I called her she said this wasn’t my home but her sons! WTF!!! Hell no! I work and their son doesn’t! This is mine and my boyfriends home!!! No one else’s!
Am I in the wrong here?

My response…
Dear Bobbie,
Are you wrong here? Yes! You are mad at the wrong person. Your boyfriend is totally disrespecting you by maintaining a relationship with his ex. HE is the one hiding her messages, saying he’ll be back with her, sending her emails (and porn!), letting her come to your home, get mail there, accepting her calls and messages. How many signs do you need? She’s only there because he wants it that way. He says you’re the best thing to happen to him and it’s true. You work, you clean his house, and you are letting him have a relationship with his ex. What guy wouldn’t want that? Why are you letting him use you like that? If you gave up a lot for him, then he needs to give up his ex for you. Otherwise, find a man who doesn’t want to play games.
Jenny

We posted some more new How-To videos today. They were really fun to make so I’ll be doing more soon. Because of continued extra traffic on this site, today we also went to a larger server so the videos should load faster. I bought some tomato plants for my garden and went to the drugstore for band-aids and floss.

Luke writes…
Dear Jenny,
I’m a 15 year old gay male. I’ve been with 7 older men. I’m currently in a relationship with a 28 year old guy. He’s really great and I love him very much so. I told my family about him and they flipped. My grandmother actually had the nerve to say he was a “pedophile.” Although legally this is true, I feel completely different; on our first date I wanted to become intimate but HE was the one to say “that we need to take it slow and get to know each other.” I know there’s a huge age gap but we love each other. He wants to meet them and be a part of my life. I don’t know how I’m going to work that out though. I don’t want to keep lying to my family but I’m not backing out of this because of them. Please Tell Me What To Do Jenny…
Sincerely,
Luke

My response…
Dear Luke,
I hope you’re not expecting me to support you in this because I can’t. I applaud your family for taking issue with this relationship because it means they care about your wellbeing. Any sexual relationship between a 15-year-old and a 28-year old in unacceptable, and very likely illegal where you live. My reaction would be the same if this was a straight relationship so please be clear that it’s not about your being gay. It’s about an older person manipulating and taking advantage of someone vulnerable. It concerns me that you are the one who wanted to be intimate and I urge you to put your sex life on hold for a while. No one should be intimate on a first date, no matter what age. I’m guessing he says he wants to take it slow so he won’t get arrested. Luke, I know your emotions are strong right now but please do not continue this relationship. If it’s meant to be, wait until you’re out of your teens – but I’m pretty sure by the time you’re 20, you’ll look back on this and see that everyone objected for good reason. The bigger issue is why have you been with 7 older men? What are you looking for from them that’s missing from your life? A lot of young people give up sex to be accepted because they feel that’s all they have to offer. I hope you can speak to a counselor or therapist and maybe talk this out and build up your confidence so you can build an appropriate relationship with someone close to your age, a relationship built on friendship and common interests. If it eventually leads to sex, then it won’t be the only thing you have to give. If you were my son, this man would never be welcome in our home, and if he had sex with you, I would have him arrested. I’m sorry this is not what you want to hear but if this man truly cared about you, he would respect you enough to stay away. Don’t lie to your family. You’re clearly not in a position to see this man for who he is, but I hope you’ll trust that some of us who are older and wiser are looking out for you.

I did something I’ve never done before. I sent something in to the Tonight Show Headlines, the one they do every Monday. If it runs on Monday, I’ll reveal which one was mine. If not, I’ll post it here anyway. I think Jay will like it.

We had a 4.4 earthquake at 4:00 a.m. this morning. I couldn’t get back to sleep waiting for aftershocks, which didn’t come, and then thinking maybe it’s a precursor to the big one. That’s the price we pay for it being 80 degrees today.

Scherrie writes…
Dear Jenny,
I will be 47 next year, do you think that is too old to go back to school?
Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing what you think.
Namaste,
Scherrie

My response…
Scherrie, 47 too old? Absolutely not! I was 45 when I started my talk show. I’m 62 now and planning to go back to school to study nutrition. Go back to school and follow your dream. It will give you a great sense of pride and accomplishment.

Jenny

I just found out that we are having an unexpected surge of visitors today to my “How To” videos which is overwhelming our server. If the videos are running too slowly, please come back later.

“I Need Advice” writes…
Dear Jenny,
I’m a 24-year old straight-acting gay guy who came out only some 3 years ago and was confused for some time before that. I thought long and hard about my orientation and discovered that I was gay. Ever since then I’ve been comfortable with being gay. I’ve told the people I care about it (except my parents) and they’ve been completely ok with it, but that’s not my problem. I live with housemates, all straight guys and I was rather close to one of them (he’s known I’m gay for as long as I’ve known)… close as in we tell each other pretty much everything, joke around constantly, and a little touchy but in a man-to-man, friendly, non-romantic way. (don’t get the wrong idea cause he has a very sweet girlfriend who I adore and they are one of the sweetest couples I’ve ever met).

I care for him as if he were my own flesh and blood, but a few weeks ago he started being so distant. He stopped joking around, stopped the touchy business which he usually initiates and whatever closeness that was there was lost. I thought I did something that I didn’t notice because he was fine with my other housemates so I asked him if everything was ok and he told me there’s nothing wrong. So I went on treating him as always even though he was still very distant and I hoped he was just having a very bad few weeks. After a few weeks I couldn’t stand it and asked him again if I did anything wrong and that if I did I was very sorry. He assured me that I didn’t do anything and he denies being distant. My friend says that he might have thought that I was coming on to him but I have never had such feelings for him. So what is it? It sucks to lose a friend for no good reason. And I’ve been avoiding him for the past few days hoping it’ll do some good. Should I just forget it and pretend we were never close in the first place and get on with my life as far away from him as possible? Or should I just carry on trying to patch whatever needs patching up for whatever reason?

My Response…
Dear “I Need Advice,”
There are a few things in this situation that bother me, and the first one is not related to your question. You say you’ve told the people you care about that you’re gay, but not your parents. Is it you who’s not totally comfortable about it or them? How can you live an authentic life when you’re hiding who you really are? Of course it’s not easy telling your parents, but I hope you will consider freeing yourself fully and coming out to them, too. Now as for your friend, I hope somebody corrects me if I’m wrong, but straight guys simply do not do touchy feely stuff with other guys. They just don’t; it makes them uncomfortable. I’ll say it again: There is no such thing as man-to-man touchy feely between straight men. This leads me to think the problem is that he may be conflicted and that’s why he’s pulling away. He may have a girlfriend, but I know a lot of gay people who date, even marry, the opposite sex. But even if he’s totally straight, the closeness seems to have made him uncomfortable. So here is my common sense take on this situation: He may be conflicted about his sexuality and not ready to deal with it. He needs time. He’s being honest when he says you didn’t do anything wrong. So accept that. What would be wrong is if you mention it to him again. You’ve asked him twice already so give him some space. I’m not done yet.

I think you do care for him… that way. To say you should “get on with my life as far away from him as possible” serms a bit dramatic for just a close friend. To answer your question, yes I think you should get on with your life and let this angst go. Let him be as much of a friend as he wants to be. If he doesn’t feel your obsessiveness, he will come around and will feel free to be himself, whichever way that goes.

Jenny

Jennifer writes…
Dear Jenny,
My boyfriend, John, and I have lived together for 4-1/2 years. It has not been a easy road. We fell in love and we both still have strong physical attractions to one another. Our sex life has been great, although it has slowed down. My problem started a couple of years ago when one of his ex-girlfriends (Brenda) contacts him after 20 years to say she’s moving back to town. She was constantly calling him. One morning at 4 am I woke up to find him talking low to someone on the phone. I said, “Who are you talking to at this time?” He told her, “I have to go. Jennifer just woke up and there’s going to be trouble. He told her he would talk to her later. Needless to say I had a fit. I could not believe it! A few minutes later the phone rings, he answers it, and it’s her again. He said, “I told you I would talk to you later,” and hung up.

I asked him what was going on. He said her mother was really sick and she was drunk. She called again. I was absolutely crushed. He will not tell her to quit calling because she has a boyfriend. He keeps talking to her behind my back and ended up at her house to visit her and her boyfriend. Finally, about six months ago he told her not to call here anymore because it caused problems. However, I found a couple of calls he has made to her. Now, another ex-girlfriend was looking for him on the website “Reunions.” She sent him a e-mail saying she has never stopped fantasizing about him, even though she is married. She said she would really like to reconnect with him. John gives her the house phone number (he does not have a cellphone). She called and he told her this was not a good time to talk. So they converse back and forth with e-mails. This has been going on for about 5 months. I know because I went to open my e-mail and John’s opened up. I know it was wrong for me to intrude, but whever I walk in he shuts down his email. I don’t because I have nothing to hide.

Last week we were in a heated conversation and he blurts out… “Oh, by the way Brenda will be coming out here next month.” I did not say a word, as my heart dropped to my stomach. Later, I asked him why he is doing this to me. It’s not right. He should tell them that he is in a relationship and I don’t like it. How should I deal with this? He tells me to quit crying because he’s not doing anything wrong, and it’s my problem, not his. I don’t know what to do.

Jennifer

My Response…
Jennifer, do you really need me to tell you this guy is a dog? How many signs do you need? Secret phone calls? Giving a married woman your home phone number? Going to Brenda’s house to see her and her boyfriend? Are you kidding me? Telling you she’s coming to town!?! He’s not even trying to hide his cheating ways. And are you supposed to be happy that he says he can’t talk because Jennifer will get upset? How about, “I can’t talk right now…or ever…because I am in a relationship with Jennifer who I love and respect. And I would never disrespect her by carrying on a secret relationship with anyone else.” The only thing he’s right about is that this is not his problem, it’s yours because you are allowing him to disrespect you. Next late night phone call that doesn’t end with the statement above, should be the last one. After that, go out and find a real man.
Jenny

Finally, some of my new “How To” vidoes are up. We had some technical problems but my computer whiz assistant, Damon, fixed them. There are still more coming. As a woman, I feel it’s my job to make sure my partner, Denis, stays healthy. That means getting a colonoscopy first so he would go, getting our teeth cleaned together, and getting eye exams. Well, for some reason, he is refusing to get his eye exam so I decided to be creative. Denis loves my “fall-off-the-bone” barbeque ribs so I am refusing to make them until he gets his eye exam. So now we have a standoff. His eyes for my ribs. I expect to prevail.