“Sue” writes…
I’M A MOTHER OF ONE CHILD AND LIVE WITH MY BOYFRIEND. WE’VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 7 YEARS BUT HE’S VIOLENT. WHEN WE ARGUE. HE GETS SO ANGRY HE’S NOT THE SAME. WE BROKE UP A FEW TIMES BUT WE ALWAYS GET BACK TOGETHER. HE HITS ME, PUNCHES ME AND SAYS LOTS OF HORRIBLE THINGS TO ME. HIS FATHER WAS VIOLENT TOWARDS HIS MOTHER AND THEY DIVORCED. I KNOW HE HAD A BAD CHILDHOOD BUT I DONT WANT MY DAUGHTER TO SEE VIOLENCE ANYMORE. I LOVE HIM AND IT’S HARD FOR ME. I DONT WANT ANY MORE KIDS WITH HIM BECAUSE I DONT WANT MORE CHILDREN BROUGHT UP IN VIOLENCE. HE’S VERY NICE WHEN WE DON’T ARGUE BUT I ALWAYS HAVE TO WATCH OUT NOT TO SAY AND DO SOMETHING TO MAKE HIM ANGRY. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

“Sue”

My Response…
Dear Sue,
Your letter made me sad, especially for your daughter. This is not a good way for either you or her to live. I’m sure you know that if your daughter sees you being hit, she will assume it’s normal and could wind up being a battered woman herself. It’s never okay for a man to hit a woman and you need to be strong to do what you know you need to do. You say that you broke up a few times which tells me that it’s safe for you to leave. Otherwise, you must be very careful because it can be dangerous for battered women to leave certain men. If he let you leave peacefully in the past, then you must do it, but do it differently. Let him know very clearly that you will no longer allow yourself or your daughter to live with his violence. Be firm. Be strong. He needs to know you mean it and there will be no more “trying.” Tell him if he loves you, he needs to get anger management counseling, and only then will you even consider seeing him again, and he will still need to prove himself. In other words, he can’t just say he’s fine now and you move back in. If he addresses HIS problem, then you can slowly start dating again. If he refuses, move on. He does not love you. He is a horrible role model for your daughter. And it could get more dangerous for you. This will not get better unless you take a stand. But be careful. If you have any fear that he won’t let you leave without retaliation, then only do it with outside help. Do it for yourself and for your daughter.
Please take care,
Jenny

My weekend is so boring I decided to post my diary entry from 25 years ago when I was doing stand-up comedy on the road. Here’s my word-for-word diary entry from twenty-five years ago today…

(** March 7, 1985 **)
“Got turned down by the Funny Bone in Knoxville – that hurt. Also, Sandy told me April wouldn’t headline me. I cried. Very depressing day. I’m worried about finances – paid my Amex, Visa & other charges & used almost all my savings. Maybe I’m in the wrong business. Don’t know how much longer I can handle the rejection. Worried about income, despondent about career going NO WHERE and I’m almost 40.”

Five years later, I had my own talk show. I was never a quitter.

California Fan writes…
Hi, Jenny,

A few years ago, my wife and I decided to make a new start for our 2 kids and moved from California to Arizona. Since then, my mother passed away and my dad moved out of his house, but kept it, and got a smaller place for himself. He really wanted us to move into the old house, which we did. He had given a few of my mom’s things away but the rest is still in the house. We are trying to move in after 2 months but still have not unpacked our belongings. My dad lived in this house for 30 years and out of respect for him, we do not throw or give anything away without asking him first. Some of it is his old stuff that he hasn’t used in 15 years but he won’t throw it away. It gets worse. Like I said, it’s his house and on a daily basis he storms into what is our room now, he goes through things and yells at me or my children because things are not exactly the way he left them. I can’t live like this much longer. I gave up a well paying job with lower living expenses in Arizona and moved back here so my father would not be alone and end up a bitter old man. I’m almost at my wit’s end.

“California Fan”

My Response…
Dear California Fan

First of all, I admire you for respecting your dad, as frustrating and difficult as it must be. I also understand how lost he must be without his partner. Clearly, moving into his old house was not the best idea. It might have worked if you had made a clear agreement to empty the house, change the locks, and live there as a renter would, but he doesn’t seem ready to let things go. You can’t continue to live there under these conditions. The question is, what’s the best way to fix it? It seems to me he might be happier living in his old house with all his memories, so maybe you could suggest that to him. You might even find out he regrets moving out but doesn’t want to ask you to leave. Or maybe he’d be open to putting their old belongings in storage so it will feel more like your place and he won’t be upset with your “invasion.” Arizona is not too far from California so I would also consider moving back. Or if you want to be closer to your dad, move to another place across town. Tell him there are many reasons why it’s not working and offer to help him either sell or rent the old house, or move him back in, whatever he wants. Whatever option you choose, you really have to make a change. Living in this stressful environment is not healthy for your family, or your dad.
My best,
Jenny

We had a plumber come to fix some leaky faucets and stuff. I’ve always hated watching myself on TV and never watched my own show. But I had to watch the How-To videos from last week and here’s the internal conversation I was having as I watched myself on video…
“Is my butt really that big?”
“Why did I say that? What am I… an amateur?”
“Do I even know what I’m doing?”
“What if I get hate mail for this?”
“What’s with that hair? I don’t recall go to a clown school for hairstyling.”
“I am never watching myself on video again.”

“Very Confused” writes…
Dear Jenny,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. He has some control issues and is very jealous. Sometimes the fighting is just verbal and sometimes it does become violent. Everything I do is wrong, according to him. I don’t dress the way he wants me to and we argue over our kids. I have one of my own and he has 2 by 2 different women. He says my daughter is mean and hateful, but I still love him. I’ve left him a few times but I always came back thinking if I stay and work harder, maybe we can make it. Now he says he won’t put anything into this relationship any more and if I can’t do only the things he allows me to do, then he’d rather be without me. He’s really not a bad person and has some likeable qualities. I’m stressed out and depressed and I don’t know what to do. I feel this is affecting my daughter, too. So, where do I go from here?

“Very confused”

My Response…
Dear “VeryConfused,”

I see so many red flags in your letter and they all mean this is not a good place for you. This man does not love you, no matter what he says; he just wants someone he can own. So, do you want to be a piece of property or do you want to be treated with respect? Which footsteps do you want your daughter to follow? If she sees a man demean you or hit you, she’ll think it’s okay. It is not okay, not ever. You are her role model and I think you know this is not good for her. It’s also not good for you. I don’t believe in your heart that you love him, I think you’re still there because there is a certain safety in a familiar situation, even when it’s a bad one. And don’t defend him. I’m sure Hitler had some likeable qualities too but he was a bad person. You deserve to be happy and your daughter needs to feel safe. When a man has control issues it can be dangerous to leave so I am not saying pack your bags. But if you left before and came back on your own, maybe it will be safe to leave again – you have to make that judgment carefully. If he really says he’d rather be without you and doesn’t care, and only if you’re sure he won’t want his “property” back, then take the opportunity to leave and create a positive and healthy environment for you and your daughter. And wait for the right man to come along – one that respects you and loves you unconditionally.
Take care,
Jenny

Lilly writes…
Dear Jenny,

I like this guy I work with and he likes me too. But he has always said he would never date anyone he works with. We have gone out to groups and socially but I want to be more than just friends. I don’t think our personal lives would interfere with work, but he says he doesn’t want to cause trouble. I know he likes me because he acts like it at work but I don’t see why he won’t date me. I really like him but I don’t think I should have to quit my job in order to pursue a relationship with him. What do you think?

My response…
Dear Lilly,
It sounds to me like you are seeing more in this relationship than really exists. Think about it. If a guy you worked with came on to you and you weren’t interested, all you’d have to say is, “I don’t think it’s a good idea to get involved with a co-worker.” An easy out. No hurt feelings. End of story. I think that’s what he’s doing. If he really wanted you, he would find a way to be with you. So don’t quit your job. And look for a guy who wants you bad. That would be good.
Jenny

The sun is back! I made pancakes for breakfast and then Denis and I went to Franklin Canyon to see the ducks in the lake and so I could take pictures (here’s a duck taking a nap). On the way home I spotted a rabbit running along the road. I had my camera so here is the best shot I could get before he took off down a hill. I have to admit I was happy that Canada won the hockey game today and won the gold. It’s Canada’s national sport and it was their turf, I mean their ice. Like most Canadians, I grew up ice skating every weekend. I love it but I haven’t skated since I fell on the ice and broke my shoulder – that was about 20 years ago. It’s hard to watch the earthquake pictures from Haiti and Chile and not be anxious about living in California. Most nights when I’m falling asleep, I think “I hope it’s not tonight…”

“Messed Up Mommy” writes…
Dear Jenny,

I’m pregnant with twins and I’m also dating two guys. I don’t know which one is the father but both of them want full time custody of the twins. I don’t want the babies so would it be okay to give one to each guy? They would both be loving fathers.

Messed Up Mommy

My Response…
Dear Messed Up Mommy,

First of all, do not split the twins up. It’s unthinkable to even consider splitting them up. They need to grow up together so here is what I suggest. First, tell the guys that as soon as the babies are born you will get a paternity test. It’s theoretically possible that there are two different fathers but not likely. Once the father is determined, and if he can be a responsible parent and can provide a loving and stable home for the children, then the twins may be better off with him and his family. But I’m hoping you will find your maternal instincts and choose to be the mother these babies need. The best scenario is to have both parents raise these twins. Otherwise, adoption may be a good option, but only if the twins stay together. Please make sure they grow up together, in a home where they are wanted and loved.
Jenny

More videos! We taped four more videos today for a total of eight. It’s almost like work but lots of fun since I was doing it at home. My assistant, Damon, did a great job and was patient when I forgot what I was going to do and my housekeeper, Antonia, acted as wardrobe, production assistant, dishwasher, and reminder when I forgot something. We made a great team and I got pizzas for everyone to say thank you. I hope to get them on the site by next week. My favorites were chocolate pudding from scratch and granola…. oh and How To Make Meringues. Denis snapped this photo of us in action. I can’t wait to do more!

My kitchen was transformed into a studio yesterday so I could videotape some more “How-To” videos for this website. I sure missed my teleprompter. The hardest part was having to remember everything I wanted to say without a prompter or notes. My assistant, Damon, did everything as far as lighting the room, audio and ran the recorder. I put together the props and food. I hope to get them posted this week. Isn’t is just amazing to see what the Olympic athletes are doing? Flying in the air is one thing, but then the acrobatics they do up there is something to behold. They’re famous for their hard work, commitment, never giving up and always giving their best. We should all live up to that. Maybe I shouldn’t gloat about walking 30 minutes a day.