Anna writes…
I’m 16 years old and I’m in an awkward situation.. Okay I am adopted by my aunt and uncle… To give you a little back ground information.. my mothers a bi-sexual and she is a police officer.. she works 24/7 and she didn’t have time to take care of me when I was younger… anyways every since I can remember, my birth mom and my adopted parents don’t get along. It seems like there is always a problem… If there not fighting over me its over something dumb… Jenny I cant take it.. Around my adopted parents I say that I hate my mother and that I don’t want to be around her but that’s not the truth. I love my mother with all me heart but I don’t want to hurt my Adopted parents feelings… Please help me…

Sincerely,
Anna

My response…
First of all, you sound more grown up than the adults. They should be having their disagreements someplace else and not in front of you. But you are lucky that you were adopted by family, so I am happy to know that. It’s tough growing up thinking your mom didn’t have time for you. My mother was an alcoholic and was never there for me either so I think I can relate. In spite of all the bad things she said to me, I still loved her so I also understand that too. You can love someone but not like what they have done. You should probably start by being honest. You don’t need to say you hate your bio-mom, in fact your parents probably know that you don’t. It sounds like she’s still in the picture so that makes her extended family. Tell your parents that just like you can love your cousins or aunts or uncles, you cal also love you bio-mom, but that doesn’t mean you don’t love them any less. As a bi-sexual working in mostly a man’s world, I imagine your mother has had lots to deal with. And not raising you herself has to be touigh for her to deal with. I wish you could all get into family counseling, but you could start, as I said, by being honest. It’s not always easy, but I have never in my life regretted being honest. In the end, just like me, this will make you strong.
Take care,
Jenny

I got my teeth cleaned.

I feel guilty living in California – it was 80 degrees today. I had a meeting with my business managers this afternoon and stopped at Whole Foods on the way home to get some fresh basil for the pizza I made tonight. I finally got it down and can make great pizza. The coyotes are back. I’ve seen two this week already, both just walking down the street. But I can’t complain because some people around town have bears in their back yards. The Olympics have been so exciting, especially since they’re in Canada, my home country. I still can’t get over the whales swimming across the floor in the opening ceremonies. Seeing the Canadian flag was so cool and I found out I still remember the words to “Oh, Canada.” But I still want the U.S. to kick everybody’s butt. Oh my God, I just checked. It’s 8:30 p.m. and we have 14 MEDALS!! Yaaaay!!!

“Stay-Over Sister” Writes…
Dear Jenny,

I’m 16 years old and my sister recently got married and moved about half and hour from our house. I often go and stay at her house for a few days. Sometimes she and my brother in-law sneak off into their bedroom. I don’t know for sure but my guess is they’re having sex. This usually happens in the middle of the day. It makes me very uncomfortable because their apartment is quite small and their bedroom is next to the living room. I usually just turn up the tv or something. Should I confront her about it? I know they’re newlyweds but it makes me so uncomfortable. What should I do?

“Stay-Over Sister”

My Response…
Dear “Stay-Over Sister,”

My guess is that your guess is right. They probably are having sex, which is perfectly normal, and they are doing it at home. Behind closed doors. In their own house. So what’s to confront her about? You’re the company. They’re having fun. Sex in the afternoon? They are definitely having fun. If it makes you uncomfortable, the next time you see them headed for the bedroom, give them some privacy. Just say, “Hey, you guys! I’m going to run out to the store. I’ll see you in a while!” They’ll know that you know and you’ll know that they know that you know and everybody can relax.

You can go to a bookstore, a library, the mall, or just go for a walk. You might burn up as many calories as they are. That way they have their privacy, you won’t be embarrassed and no one’s feelings will be hurt.
Take care,
Jenny

My ankle is not sprained, but it sure felt like it on Thursday. By Friday morning it was like nothing happened. I was afraid to get out of bed and try to walk, but there was no pain and no swelling. Could it be that ice, elevation, and compression are that effective? I truly expected to be on crutches today. But I also believe in the power of the mind and I simply did not have time to be laid up and not getting around. Maybe I willed it away too. They say a positive outlook can help fight even cancer so why not a sprained ankle…? Well bottom line – my dogs are good. I have to be able to exercise because I got chocolates for Valentines Day!

“A Mother Confused” writes…
Jenny,

I am a 19 year old mother of two boys. My ex and I are not together. We actually kind of still despise each other because of our past-he cheated on me. Our son’s 3rd birthday is coming up so I told him we should have a party and his girlfriend would be invited (the one he cheated on me with and then cheated on her with me). They have a daughter together and that’s my son’s sister, but he doesn’t want to have the party because the kids are two weeks apart and he doesn’t want his girlfriend to know he cheated. But if she was to come to the party, it’s not like there’s going to be a confrontation. What do you think I should do?

“A Mother Confused”

My Response…
Dear Mother Confused,

I think you should have a nice kids’ birthday party for your son and invite all his friends. Have balloons and cake and make it a fun day for your 3-year old. Leave the adults out of it. If you “despise” your ex, why in the world would you want to have the party with him? And his girlfriend? I don’t get it. Your son is three and the girlfriend doesn’t know what’s up? I would stay away from her and her daughter and not think of the kids as brother and sister. But try to work out your differences with your ex so that your 3-year old has his dad in his life. Hopefully, your ex will grow up and become a better role model for his kids.
Jenny

I think I sprained my ankle. I was going along my own front walk made of stepping stones this morning and my right foot slipped off the right edge. I didn’t fall although my foot hurt, but not a lot. I went about my day, had breakfast, planted some lettuce and parsley, worked at my desk and about 6 hours later, my foot started hurting. By evening I couldn’t walk on it and I was in pain, so I looked up what to do. It was the old “RICE” routine: Rest, Ice, Compression, and Elevation. I’m doing it but I don’t like it. I had other plans.

Craig writes…
Hey, Jenny,

My parents have been moaning at me to get a job, however, I’m finding it extremely difficult to do so. Two years ago I lost a close friend and was forced to come out about my sexuality to my parents. I already had a history of panic attacks and they were exacerbated by the pressures. This caused psychological problems which I’m still finding hard to deal with due to the strain I was put under. I returned to education only find discrimination and harrassment from my fellow students which made me leave. My parents don’t seem to understand how difficult it is to take the plunge and work because I’m scared of people hating me. I just feel like nobody understands who I am any more, and my parents don’t seem to understand what I’m going through. I just don’t know what to do any more.

Craig

My response…
Dear Craig,

To be honest, at first I thought you were just using the loss of your friend and discrimination as excuses not to get a job. But then I realized that panic attacks are real so my guess is that even without the loss of your friend and coming out, you might still be in the same place, emotionally. They say it takes two years to overcome someone’s death so you should be able to start moving on from that. If you came out to your parents and you’re still living at home, they must be accepting of your sexuality. In fact you’re lucky they are supporting you and I happen to agree that you need to start facing the realities of life and get a job. An interesting job will also help take the focus off the negative things you’ve been dwelling on. And there will always be people who might not like you but that happens to everyone. As many fans as I had on television, I also got hate mail but I knew I was a good person so I didn’t let it dictate my life. As a gay man, you are bound to face discrimination but you can’t run away from it. Your parents are trying to motivate you out of love and I believe it’s time for you to take action. You may need some counseling to do it, so if you really can’t deal emotionally with the real world, then set up some counseling this week. Show your parents that you are making the effort. You either have to take the plunge and get a job and learn to deal with life’s issues, or start counseling to help prepare you for your future. The worst thing you can do is nothing.
Jenny

Today was our housekeeper’s birthday so we invited her mother over and we all went out to an El Salvadoran restaurant in Silver Lake for lunch. We had papusas and other traditional Salvadoran foods with all of us sampling each other’s plates. After lunch, we drove to Hollywood for cream puffs. They make the best cream puffs in the world at Hollywood & Highland and luckily, I don’t get there often. There was a lot of traffic and streets blocked off in the area because the movie premier of Valentines Day was going on. But we found parking and had a fun time; however, I was a bit lethargic the rest of the day. I suppose I should have only had one cream puff.

“N” writes…
Jenny,
I need some advice. In the last 3 months I have had alot of bad things happen. I have gotten divorced after ten years of marriage because he hated my children who have reached the teenage years and have been a little difficult. He has no children of his own so it was much easier to hate. I choose my children, of course, and said good-bye to my marriage and my home. We moved to an apartment and I had to move everything myself because he said he would have my son arrested if he showed up on the property.

After that my son went into rehab (that has turned out to be a great thing), my 15 year old daughter had a breakdown and was hospitalized. This affected her first semester of her sophomore year and will need to repeat these classes. During her hospitalization I found out that she had been sexually abused by her stepbrother at her father’s house. We have had meetings with DCFS and the Child Advocacy Association. I know that she is glad this
is out in the open, but emotionally this has been hard for me even though I know that while she was at her Dad’s home I could not have done anything.

So we have been struggling financially through this. Doctor’s visits, medicines, therapy, trying to set-up a household. And then the check that I thought would bring us to even this Friday was stolen in a robbery at my new apartment.

Why does this have to happen to us? I was adopted and grew up in an influential home, my father was a successful investment broker. I do not do drugs or drink alcohol. I love my children. I have a modest job. I had breast cancer 3 years ago and went through that with the strength of 1,000 men, but this is much worse than that. I want 2008 to be a better year. Is there something I am not doing right in my life for these things to continue to happen to us? I feel like I am being punished. Thanks for listening Jenny

My response…
Dear “N”…
There’s no question you’ve had a lot to deal with and if you put everything else aside, having three teenage children is about all anyone should have to deal with. I also married a man with (4) teenage children and of course the marriage failed. I didn’t come first but I was never going to. So it’s no surprise your husband is gone. If your son is in rehab, chances are things were more than “a little difficult” but he’s in the right place and can turn things around with help and support. It’s sad to know that your daughter was abused but good that it’s finally out in the open. You say you’ve had meetings but I hope you pressed charges against those responsible.

I wish I had something brilliant to tell you, but I can say that you are already on a better path. You’re a proven survivor. You’ve survived breast cancer. You still have a roof over your head (a lot of people don’t), your son is getting help, your daughter is getting help, and overcoming these adversities will likely make them both stronger. And they won’t be teenagers forever. I was a troubled teen myself. I ran away from home twice and was arrested for shoplifting, but I made a comeback and so can they. It’s not your fault. These are difficult times for most people – difficult financially, and a really tough time to be raising teenagers. You’re not being punished, you’re being challenged. And so far, you are meeting things head on. Continue being your strong self and things will get better.
Jenny