I was invited to appear on the View this month but declined. I felt a bit uneasy because it’s February and feel-good stories like Jenny’s Heroes aren’t sensational enough for sweeps. They said they just wanted to see what I’m up to but I doubt that, so I declined. Last year, I was also asked to host Jack LaLanne’s infomercial but I’ve been turning down infomercials for years. But wait a minute – he was almost a hundred years old! Were they looking for someone to appeal to his demographic? Did Betty White turn them down? Olivia De Havilland not available?

Then last week, someone called about hosting an infomercial for something called Lifestyle Lift.  Here’s a picture from their website:

Why are they calling me? This is a facelift! Do you suppose I was going to be the new “before” & “after?” What’s next? “Now, here’s Jenny Jones to tell you about the new Ortho-Med Shower Chair!” Should I stock up if Depends go on sale? Maybe my car isn’t the only thing that needs some work but I won’t let this get me down. I still have my teeth.

Wow! The chemo-caps that Kathy (aka Mrs. News) is crocheting are beautiful! She has made over 200 caps to donate to cancer patients going through chemo. What a wonderful gift this must be to those receiving treatment, not just the cap itself, but the message of support that comes with it, knowing that a stranger took the time to send love to someone in need. Kathy is living proof that everyone can make a difference.

Two lunches in one week – I must be one of those “ladies who lunch.”  But this time it was seeing an old friend, a  woman who worked with me during the entire 12-year run of my show so there was lots of catching up.  We met at the Marmalade Cafe in Calabasas and as soon as we sat down, a woman at the next table said, “Excuse me, but can I ask you a question?” Trying to appear humble, I was all prepared to say, “Why yes, I am the talk show host,” but instead, she threw me a curve.  “What do you do to have such beautiful skin?” She apologized for interrupting but said my skin was absolutely glowing and then my lunch date said the same thing. This was not the first time I’ve been asked that but it always surprises me because my skin is just my skin -I don’t know – I never really notice it glowing. I told her it’s something I work on regularly, doing scrubs every day, as well as my own facials, and sunblock rain or shine, but I thought it was more my healthy diet: no soft drinks, no alcohol, no fried food, lots of salads, but occasional pizza and that burger at Daily Grill. Today I had actually used a Sisley moisturizer that costs more than our lunch, the shoes I was wearing, and the new front tires on my car. But I switch products all the time and told her my skin looks the same when I use drug store products, too. Well, it was a nice compliment and it motivates me even more to keep taking care of my skin. Click below for My Six Step at Home Facial:

We have a new video!  It’s French Toast made with melted dark chocolate but before you judge, let me remind you that dark chocolate has many anti-aging health benefits. It’s full of antioxidants like polyphenols, the same ones found in red wine and green tea; and flavonoids, the ones found in blueberries, which can lower blood pressure and cholesterol. So I have not abandoned my standards of nutrition – this is a healthy recipe using whole wheat bread and no butter at all. We made the video yesterday with Damon working the camera, lights, and audio and when we were done, he sampled the French toast and wound up eating the whole thing. We then made a second version with Denis standing by to taste it. He ate the whole thing. It’s hard to describe how delicious this is but Damon said, “It’s yummy and chocolate-y… it’s like eating dessert.” Denis said, “Make more.”

I’m starting to think that some of the things I eat are not exactly normal. I grew up with eastern european parents who made things like “Galaretka,” which is basically jellied pig’s feet. It was a mixture of meat & things that sat in a wobbly gelatenous mass in a pot and my dad loved it! Polish food includes things like pork knuckles in beer sauce with sauerkraut and carp in aspic with raisins. (need a moment?) We ate things like, “Śledzie,” aka pickled herring, beetroot soup, lots of kielbasa and pickled anything. They like to pickle things in Poland –  there’s even pickle soup! I still love some Polish dishes like Gołąbki and Pierogi, both of which I make myself. My parents cooked with sticks of butter and no meal was complete without sour cream but I make things my own way now. I still crave the things I ate growing up but to me, sardines and boiled potatoes are comfort foods. With a background like that, I was bound to forge my own unique food trail and the things I eat seem normal to me, but maybe they’re not.  For example, here are some of my favorite treats:

~Sauerkraut straight out of the jar

~Canned sardines, straight out of the can

~Pickled beets

~Picked herring with onions

~Peanut butter sandwich on rye bread

~A wedge of raw cabbage eaten like an apple

~Cold boiled potatoes with mayonnaise

~I could still eat some galaretka but only after a beaker of czysta wodka, no ice.

If anybody has a more freakish favorite snack, maybe I can add it to my repertoire. There’s nothing you people out there are eating that can scare me.  Bring it.

One luxury I enjoy is really soft sheets. They’re not always the most expensive, in fact the highest thread count is not always the softest sheet. I used to get Wamsutta Elite Sateen but they don’t make them any more. These were like sleeping on a cloud of fluffy whipped cream. Luckily, I had bought three sets before they stopped making them and figured they would  last for years. Imagine my horror when a few weeks ago, we discovered a tear in the bottom sheet.  This was not a tiny tear – it was two feet long!  This can’t be – it’s my Elite Sateen! But the sheets were old so I accepted that it was wear & tear and sewed it back together. The next time, the same sheet came up ripped again, this time in shreds. I decided that you can’t sew a sheet back together and threw it away. (actually, I cut it up into cleaning rags).

So, on to the next set of Wamsutta’s.  After two nights on the bed, this bottom sheet was torn too – multiple times. Two sheets in shreds?!  An investigation was in order. First of all, both the tears happened on HIS side of the bed so without placing blame, I asked Denis how he thinks this could have happened.  He reminded me the sheets were old and his skin is rougher and these things happen. Then I slowly glanced down at his bare feet. The nail on his big toe was so long, if he sat on the roof and stuck out his foot, that toe could shade the entire patio on a sunny day!

“You could slice a ham with that toe nail,” I said. “That’s what happened to the sheets!”  He refused to believe his toe nail was responsible, but I know different. If the last Wamsutta Elite gets destroyed, I’m buying him an industrial nail file, or maybe an electric sander.

It’s been a long week and I needed something relaxing to do so I decided to make pie.  What was I thinking? I could have chosen something easier like creating an algorhythm for computational approximations of seismic reflection and velocity analysis but noooooo…I chose to make a lemon meringue pie. So last night after dinner, I started by assembling all the equipment needed:

-Pie pan – check!

-Food processor for the crust – check!

-Zester for the lemons – check!

-Juicer for the lemons – check!

-Sauce pan for the filling – check!

-Kitchenaid for the meringue – check!

-Whisk attachment for the meringue – check!

-Rolling pin, pie weights, bowls, measuring cups & spoons – check!

First, I had to make the crust and let it cool completely. It took over two hours to cool. Then I cooked the filling, topped it with meringue, and baked the whole thing again. By now, three hours had gone by. I removed it from the oven and of course, it had to cool completely before eating. I kept busy by washing the massive amount of dishes left behind, waiting for the pie to cool. I was dying for a slice but it was still hot. I took a bath… still hot. Did my nails… still hot. I tested some batteries, organized spices, sharpened some pencils… still hot. Finally I was exhausted and went to bed, feeling cheated, with no midnight snack. Denis was still up at 2 am and put it in the fridge. I only agreed to let him put it away if he promised not to eat any. (my kitchen, my rules) So today, we finally got to taste my lemon meringue pie. It was super good – the tart lemon filling balanced with the cool meringue – awesome!

*Note to lemon meringue pie-makers:

–Don’t make it at night.

–Don’t cut it until it’s completely cooled or you’ll be calling it a lemon meringue molten cake.

–Do it.  There’s nothing like homemade pie… except good sex. No, I think the pie is better. Okay, pie, then sex.

“You’ll hate the way you look, I guarantee it.” That’s the way I should have started this makeover show. These were young club kids who got to express themselves in their own creative & fun ways, and to be honest, I thought some of them did look better “before.” See what you think. http://www.jennyjones.com/bt_video_highlights.shtml

And oh, hey… Denis and I went to Vegas after all and the roads were clear. We only went to take care of my stepmom’s affairs and only stayed overnight. It was a long, hard day and we were mentally exhausted.  Just before we headed back, I said, “Com’on, let’s play a dollar in the slots! We can’t come to Vegas and not play anything!” So before we checked out, we stopped at a poker machine and got out our dollar. There were about six different games to choose (I think) and we were so brain-dead, we both just stared at the screen and couldn’t figure out how to play any of them. Defeated, we sauntered away with our dollar.

What happened to real slot machines, anyway? I want to pull the arm. I want to put in real money. Clang, clang, clang! Alas, like many other things from the past, they’ve  been improved and replaced. They’ll wind up in a museum one day along with pay phones, typewriters, and a picture of me on Star Search.

This isn’t suposed to happen here! We pay good money to live in southern California and there is NO SNOW ALLOWED! If this happens again, I just won’t pay my taxes! First it rained for about two weeks and now this. I don’t have snow boots. I don’t think they sell snow boots here. Denis and I were planning to drive to Las Vegas tomorrow and highway 15 is closed. No one here knows how to drive in the snow and cars were sliding every which way, so they closed the road. I guess Vegas will have to wait.

On second thought, I think I will pay my taxes. Our jails are overcrowded and Wesley Snipes already has the corner room.